Hello

So, I don't have a weight update this week. I will weigh in again in another 2 weeks; it should be a good one as I have been putting in lots of time at the gym. It's funny, but my workouts have become one of the things that makes me at ease. It's hard to explain. Every time I write on here I try to be as positive as possible even in the face of tough times. To be perfectly honest, I hate my life. Not that my life isn't great; most of it is. I have a great job, a wonderful family, people who support me, good friends and I am on a journey that is pushing me beyond what I thought was possible. So, why am I so miserable? I don't even know, it's just the way it is. The only way I have found to escape it is to exercise as much as possible. I know this is probably depressing to the one person who actually reads these. :) It is nice to know that someone out there may feel the same as I do. That sometimes things are just hard and you want to feel depressed. It's not even true depression; it is loneliness. However, in my workouts, with or without my trainer, you find yourself part of this group of people who are going through the same type of struggle. It's a chance to have friends who are cheering for you and you get to cheer for them. It makes all the other things go away for a few hours. I am sure as I start to merge into the triathlon competitions that I will meet even more people who will accept me as an aspiring athlete, and I will join this elite group of people who are doing what they love and inspiring others as well. It's nice to be acknowledged for what I am trying to do rather then what I have done in the past. I know this probably doesn't make any sense, but I needed to vent today. Thanks for listening.

Mel

Back in the Saddle

So, it has been a great week!!! Like I told you all last time, I had my weigh in on Friday. James put his hand over the numbers so I couldn't see them and then refused to tell me what it was until about 10 mins into our workout and then he just blurted it out; 226.8!! Hooray! Since I have started with him that is a 13 lb loss in just a few weeks. Now, that may not sound significant when you think of how much I was losing at the start of this journey, but what you don't realize is in the time that I have been training with James I have been doing my best to sabotage myself. I finally have put my trust in him and will do whatever he tells me to. Any of you looking for an awesome trainer who gets results this is the guy you want! He works me out hard, but he also inspires me to put in the extra effort needed to make great things happen. Can you believe that I will be competing in my first triathlon in March? Me? The girl who is so scared to do her cardio in front of people she has to run in the cardio cinema so no one can see her? It's crazy! I can't explain what James has done for me, not just physically either. Those of you who have lost weight know that it is an emotional journey as well. You learn things about yourself that you may not be prepared to deal with. That's what makes a great trainer, is someone who can address not just the physical obstacles, but the emotional ones as well. I hope that one day James will be able to help me become the kind of athlete I want to be. So far, it's looking good! :) Speaking of elite athletes; any of you who have not yet gone to James' fan page please do so. He needs our help to accomplish his world record journey next year. All you have to do is go to the fan page and "like" it. That's it! Then get all your friends to do the same. This is one of the simplest ways that we can be a part of his journey. http://www.facebook.com/ironcowboy Let's make it happen!!

Now that I have boosted James' ego enough let's talk about something else. I had a wonderful experience yesterday with my dad. As most of you know along with the weight loss I am attempting I am also going to school, and have a new job that is very demanding. It's been hard to balance everything and honestly I still have doubts that I can accomplish all my goals. I still have difficulty with failure, and at times I feel like I will fail......miserably. As I was getting ready to go to class Saturday morning my dad came in and was sitting down reading a book. Without any prompting he just says, "well I proud of you". I was kind of taken back and replied "for what?" "Just all you are doing. Your weight loss, going to school and the dedication that you give to everything". Those of you who know my dad know that he is a quiet spoken person. He just has a calm demeanor and a respect for others that is not overbearing. (Obviously I take more after my mom. :) ) It just went the world to me that he would say that. We all need to hear that our efforts aren't un-noticed and that we are appreciated. It was a very special moment. I don't think he even knows what it meant. Such a great weekend! I hope it keeps going. Thank you all for your love and support. Here's to another awesome week!!

Milly

Another Season Has Begun

So, here we are in the midst of another Biggest Loser season and the competition looks good! I will not be competing against them this year however, as I have different goals set for myself this time around. Don't fear, I will still be commenting on the weeks work and who was voted off. :) My life has been quite interesting lately. I have a weigh in with James this Friday and I can't tell you how nervous I am for it. It would be such a disappointment if, after all the work I have put in, nothing has changed. I even had a nightmare today about it. I haven't been feeling that great today, so I took some medicine and had a nap. Well, in my dream I was a contestant on the biggest loser, James was my trainer, it was two days before the weigh in. They had a temptation challenge with ice cream, hamburgers, chips and dip, all the junk food you could possibly imagine and I went nuts! I ate so much I felt like my stomach was going to explode. Afterward, I sat there thinking that I only had two days to try and work all this off. Two days!! I woke up in a panic, before realizing that it was just a dream and I went and had a salad. :) It was actually pretty funny when usually I wake up that scared after a dream that I had died or something super tragic; but apparently my mind thinks that giving in to a temptation like that would be a tragedy. I also realized something in my most recent training session. Sometimes we say things to people that we don't think of as poignant, but to the other person they are. Well, James struck a cord with me on Friday and I have done a lot of thinking on the subject. I was at the grocery store, shopping for the week, when I noticed a little girl sitting in front of one of the stores displays. It was a cutesy display of a large Halloween snow globe; instead of snow had little bats flying around inside. This girl was just mesmerized by it. She had to have sat there 10 mins without moving just gazing at them. As I watched her and smiled at her fascination, I thought back on what had been said to me. Am I going through life just watching? Do I sit mesmerized by other people accomplishing their goals and pay no attention to mine? Or am I like the bats in that bubble, allowing my circumstances to dictate my path? I know it is a little deep, but going through this journey makes me take a deeper look at myself. It was actually a shock to realize that I do those things. I am limiting myself. There is no excuse for it, but I don't know how to break out. I am sure that some of you have felt this way before and I know I am not expressing myself very clearly, but it is hard to explain.
Anywhoo, the weigh in is Friday at around 4pm; please keep your fingers crossed that it will be great and I will do my part to make it AWESOME! Catch you all next week.

Milly

The Long Road

So, I know it has been a long time since I last posted. There is no excuse other then pure embarrassment. I am ashamed because my weight loss has been so stagnate for the past few months and I couldn't bare to let people down. I am still sitting at around 233 lbs. However, so good things have happened that will help. First, I have a job. You may not think of that as a weight loss tool, but let me tell you it is really hard to pay for personal training, a gym membership, groceries, and health insurance without one. (Plus it just takes the stress off and stress is a killer for weight loss). Another great thing is my new trainer, James. He is awesome! I have rarely had a trainer who is genuinely happy to see me at the gym and gets sick pleasure from beating me into the ground for 30 minutes; I absolutely love it!! To understand how hard he makes me work, just know that he is a Iron man competitor. He plans on competing in 30 of them next year; no that is not a typo. He knows how to work hard and it translates to his clients. He may not think I appreciate him, but it is so great to have someone that isn't training me just because they get paid but wants to see me get results. It seems to be rare in the industry and I am very glad to have it. I also have so many people around me who are very supportive and cheer me on everyday. I love it. I apologize for being off the airwaves, but I am back with a vengeance!! Grrrrrrrrr!!!! I am running the Dirty Dash on the 24th of this month. It will be my first 10K run and I am a little nervous about it. I am excited as well and it looks like a really fun run. I am also setting a goal to run the St. George half marathon next year; yikes! Wish me luck.

Ah......Spring.....or Not!

Well, it's been freezing cold here the past week! I woke up this morning and there was snow on my car......SNOW on memorial day. Crazy. It's been a rock and roll few weeks. I had surgery on my foot a week before I graduated school; that made for an interesting finals week. I couldn't move, drive, or even walk up the stairs very well. One of my finals was our lab practicum that requires us to scrub a mock surgery. (this is tough to do on crutches.....which they didn't let me use.) However, I performed at the top of my class and graduated with a 3.7 GPA. Sweet! Right after graduation....and I mean directly after, I got on a plane and headed to Florida. It was so much fun! I even got to ride around in a wheelchair. :) Most of the time I did walk, I just had to wear that stupid boot the whole time. With all that has been going on and my mobility limitations the weight loss has been slow or bouncing all over the scale. I am pleased to say that things have settled down a bit and I am back on track. So, bring on the summer sun, I am so ready for outdoor workouts!! What's new in everyone elses lives? I would love to hear your summer plans and what awesome things are happening!

Oh, what a tangled web!

Ok, Ok. I know it's been a while. Let's start off with after Hawaii. You all know that I gained some weight over vacation; and that's ok. It is going to happen and we just pick ourselves up and move on. Well, while I was out there my foot had started hurting again....quite a lot. I didn't let it stop me from enjoying my vacation though. I still snorkled, hiked, and played as hard as anybody else. Unfortunalty when I got back I ran out of excuses to not go to the doctor. My first day back at clinicals I tripped on a cord and had to catch myself with my right foot; pain like you couldn't believe! I thought it was just an "over-training" injury. I had been working hard ever since I got back and it felt like I might have torn a tendon or something. I knew that the doctor would probably just give me a shot and tell me to take it easy for a few days and all would be well. Ha......if only. They took x-rays first thing and I thought "what are these nurses playing at? They aren't going to see a torn tendon or muscle injury on a x-ray. Crazy people". As I was waiting for the doctor the nurse brought in the x-ray and just for fun I looked at it. (It's always entertaining looking at your own bones.) Well, there it was large as life.......a crack through my fifth metatarsal bone. My foot was fractured! I have been taking x-rays on other people for over a year now and this was only the second one that I could actually see the fracture without the doctor pointing it out....boy did I feel like an idiot! Well, we talked about surgery, casting and other options. Fifth metatarsal fractures, or Jones fractures, are harder to heal then others because of the location. He told me that if I was really good and did exactly what he said then we can avoid putting a pin in my foot. (always a good thing.) So, I cannot do any weight bearing exercise, at all, great! I have to wear a stabilization boot all the time, and have my foot propped up when not in use. I cannot have anti-inflammatory drugs since I need the inflannatory process to help the healing process. The best is this is going to be happening for three weeks and then I get another x-ray and see if it is healing. If not, then we go to surgery. Did I mention my foot had been fractured for two weeks before I went to hawaii? I had been working out on a broken foot all that time. (idiot) Also, I found all this out two days before my birthday, what a great week. Consequently, the weight loss has been slow and bouncing back and forth for the past few weeks. I am currently at 237lbs. Not bad, but not where I wanted to be. I am trying to be good so that I won't have to go to surgery, but it is hard. My mom and my trainer friend have been helping by giving me workouts, diet advice, and just normal daily support. So, this is the first serious road block to my goals, but it will work itself out. I am confident. Thanks so everyone for all your help and advice. Tell next week!!

Aftermath of vacation

So, it has been awhile since I last posted; I have a good excuse though. I have been on vacation in Hawaii for spring break. What a blast! It was so fun and to spend that time with my family was awesome. Some of them hadn't seen me in a long time and they could really see a difference in my apperance. That was one of the best moments of the vacation. However, being in a resort community has its drawbacks; one of them being a really relaxed atmosphere and really good (but bad for you) food. It could have been a lot worse; my parents had done their best to minimize the amount of snacky foods in our condo and tried to prepare dinners as healthier options. And when we ate at the condo that worked; however when we were out at the beach the only option are the shrimp shacks and tourist restaurants located all over the island. It was difficult to resist and sometimes I did well and some times....not so much. :( Top that off with traveling for two days just sitting in airplanes and airport it is not surprising that I gained 4 pounds. Yikes! So, I am back up to 240.4 but it is ok. I knew that my trip would be a challenge; the first real obsticle that I have come up against and I think I learned a lot and will be able to conquer this beast when I am faced with it again. So, back to hitting it hard and getting back down to 236.4